6:45am.. wake up, cannot sleep anymore. would prefer more sleep but cannot force myself. think i must have had a reasonable rested sleep. am not quite as exhausted this morning. lying awake daydreaming and thoughts come to me i don't want.. put on 'friends' to watch until it's time to get up
7:25am.. get up and head to shower. start the day fresh, scrub all signs of potential anxiety away. use every cleansing product available in the shower.
7:56am.. run to tram.. must remember to set watch back a bit as i am now out of sink with tram times.
8:00am.. on tram. feel like listening to kylie. this shoots me straight back to a year ago when this is what i was listening to. feel like i'm going through all of the same motions again *sigh* oh well, at least when i bought and started listening to this album i was 'single' and trying to find my way in life.. and was only in the early stages of romance at the time so nothing too serious attached to it. does bring back the flutters i felt in the early 'love' stages though.. *sigh*
8:35am.. get to work. walk to building listening to 'fame' by lady gaga, makes me feel like supermodel strutting down catwalk.. vague imagery of fans blowing hair and camera flashes... can tell i don't want to do my job today. it's unchallenging. oh well.. just stick it out a while longer..
9:00am.. have supervision sessions with my supervisor. not really interested in talking but guess i'll go anyway. see what comes up. i'm a bit flat today.
9:45am.. feeling quite low, just trying to maintain this level and not go below. struggling, turns out i may have slept through and without dreams but i haven't slept well. eyes starting to droop. feeling ok but only for the moment. hope it holds.
10:00am.. realise i am wearing black again. all over. but have salsa class tonight so yay! found perfect way to blend sultry and comfortable salsa outfit with work wear. the answer? flats and cardigan for work and slip into heels and abandon sleeves for dancing. will feel good later, dacing always makes me feel better, and learning gives me a purpose.
11:00am.. considering changing my name officially, reading up on the literature about what is involved. there's not much under the heading 'what are the implications of changing your name'. just the obvious 'this is how you are identified, it is on passport, drivers license and bank accounts. we urge you to consider the implications before changing your name'. it doesn't seem that hard... but it's basically permanent
12:00pm.. have been listening to relaxation tracks and doing some basic stretches. it's helping my body and soothing my mind. i'm feeling a lot better. plus it's midday, this is usually my turning point, i am not good with mornings. maybe if i went to bed earlier and got up earlier i could fit in a walk/run before work and then breakfast and maybe my day would start better... i used to think people were crazy for doing that
3:00pm.. was doing ok till got back from lunch. all the work i put into moving up.. had somehow fallen away. at least lunch was healthy, i felt in a 'salad' type healthy mood. a good sign turning to good food.
3:10pm.. realisation of this fact for 50th time today.. i'm in love. still in love. feel like it will just now forever run as background and will never go away...... didn't think i could exist knowing that and not living it. it hurts... maybe less as time goes on. sure as hell hurts in a different way already.....
3:12pm.. maybe i should think about yoga.. or tai chi.. or something equally spiritual, smooth and relaxing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEulyxBCA6c
4:40pm.. almost time to go! then off to dinner and dancing for the evening....... much needed fun! hopefully i'll do ok tonight lol
10:30pm.. have successfully fooled nearly everyone at salsa into thinking i have done this for years... but in fact its only my second class. picing it up pretty well i think! i feel great, i'm really loving it
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