day one: my life

7:00 am.. wake up and hit the snooze button.. i want more sleep, will get up at 7:30.. that's fair.

7:25 am.. lying in bed slowly bringing myself into the world. decide today, i will wear purple. have worn black on black for long enough. purple today. with new boots.. and that belt i've never managed to make work yet...

7:26 am.. get out of bed... so excited to wear purple belt and boots. happy girl off to the shower..

7:27 am.. realise just had shower about 7 hours ago and have done nothing. extra 10 mins to get ready now... happy girl, bonus time!

7:55 am.. for first time this year simply saunter to tram stop, plenty of time today, no running.. feel good, feel chilled

8:40am.. saunter into office, feeling quite good about outfit.. make plans to photograph for future reference. managed to also work in new fancy sparkly beret, makes me very happy.

9:00am.. small crash. go into bit of downward spiral... go to blog, write poem, not worried about whether it's good or not. need to vent feelings. write first poem this year that has nothing to do with boyfriend, broken heart or being dumped. genuine poem about personal mental state and general feeling about life. feel better having put it down..

9:30am.. go to you tube and find stand up comedy to run in background while i do my work. makes me laugh, good to smile and feel happy. will keep this up until lunch.

1:15pm.. go to lunch.. alone. too hot to stay out make plans to come back to office..

1:25pm.. decide that i will bite the bullet.. take a seat at the cafe and eat lunch alone. at table. i have never done this before. first step to being alone: enjoy own company.. wish i had a book..

1:26pm.. have found magazines! pick up classy selection of women's trash to rifle through...

1:30pm.. have already found and stolen picture from magazine of orlando bloom, jake gyllenhall and matthew mc conaghey... have decided nothing wrong with silly celebrity crushes and fantasy man ideals for a while. careful not to squash it... will enjoy this later

1:45pm.. have finished meal and am now bored of womens mag.. tune into male converstion beside me.. sounds interesting..

1:46pm.. bah it's football and they're all carlton fans... leave cafe and head back to work..

2:55pm... am feeling good, feel bad for not being helpful to friend who is having bad time but am finally in good place and cannot be brought down. realise i am not very good at giving comfort but good at practical logical advice. come to me when you're prepared for me to tell you you're being an idiot. realise also this may not be good for parenting as my children may not get big cuddles when they scratch their knee.. instead may deliver 'toughen up' type line.. reconsider going into stand up comedy as profession... lol

3:47pm.. listening to dylan moran on you tube. i love him, it's so funny. and i have just over an hour to go before i can go home and do whatever i like for the evening.

5:00pm.. headed home, thank god. have spent half hour on phone to best friend, feeling better and have booked more tickets to ocmedy festival. think i better stop here.

5:45pm.. remembered to take photo of today's outfit. i just like to look back at ideas for inspiration in future and love it. realise i look a bit like a super hero - the boots, the thick belt, different colour sleeves..

6:30pm.. helping with dinner. steak.. favourite. yum yum. realise we're serving much smaller portions these days.. suits me fine i'm not eating a lot anyway. bring on the pretentiously small food!

7:3pm.. 'how i met your mother' is on.. i love this show, waited to watch it. makes me sad through. ted was about to get married and it ended and she went back to her ex husband and daughter to live happily ever after. ending overtones of ted being happy because he's realised.. she just wasn't his story. and his 'love of his life' is still out there.. i have mixed feelings about this.

8:30pm.. good news week, my must watch of the week! however due to panic brought on my losing my comedy gala tickets i miss most of it. laugh at the occasional joke but can barely remember who was on. don't think it was a ripper episode anyway. i've seen better.

9:30pm.. cleaning up after i made a huge mess looking for my lost tickets. found them which rocks... decide that perhaps i can face pulling out one of the things from the 'steve' box... it's something i want to use and want to remove from association with him. it's too precious and too expensive to keep in a box.

10:30pm.. wonder whether subconciously putting out the 'steve' item has affected me as i am noticing a huge drop in mood.....

11:30pm.. trying to fall asleep.. unsuccessfully